Sunday, December 12, 2004
Year 2004....the most eventful year thus far. This is one year which i will never ever forget. It has taken so many people and still a month to go. Im not ashamed to blog this down or feel weird because I dont really care how many people read this, in fact, I want the world to know what a great person my Grandma was.
Anyways, My granny passed away on the morning of 6th December, at around 9:30 am. It still hasnt sunk in yet that shes really gone. It was hardly a week ago, and now as im typing this i can recall how it felt 1 week ago, how ignorant i was, how oblivious that everything around me could be gone in just a moment, What a fool i was. Little did I know that the next Sunrise would take away a part of me. Doctors said she died of heart failure. Apparantly the last thing she was doing was saying her morning prayers. Well, many ppl said its the best way to go...peacefully and prepared. But im not satisfied, Im really not. Why? Because partly, theres so many things i wanna say and do but it happened so quickly that there wasnt even a chance to do it...i honestly regret. Its like all those chain emails abt treasuring each moment and letting loved ones know how u feel all coming back to me!!! And it felt like a bitch slap on my face back to reality. Its true..im a victim of such an email...and i tell u, its not a nice feeling. And the worst feeling is that I wasnt even around when it happened...and by the time i got back, the body was gone....I never could touch her again. U know, it all flashes back to that day a month ago when she asked me to massage her coz she was feeling giddy n weak. I remember so clearly how her limbs felt- So fragile and thin, yet these were the limbs which had weathered through many hardships all through her life, and my life.
You know, many people tell me that Im born with a silver spoon in my mouth. But no! Im born with a wooden spoon, with sturdy caring hands. And my grandma did play a major role in bringing me up. All her life she strove to make others happy, without thinking of herself. She suffered so much for so many years, even in her old age she did not rest. Maybe im her first grandson but still, for the past 19 years she has been looking after me, thru kindergarten, thru pri and sec sch and even poly. I am forever indebted to her. Outsiders n some people may find her not so perfect, I must admit sometimes her methods of doing things may seem a little unorthodoxed or wrong, but the intention was to do good. And of course, her ideals tend to clash alot with the "new generation's" thinking.
I remember her last wishes for me, it seemed that she knew she was going soon. Even then, she still cared abt us so much. She was clinically dead 8 1/2 years ago, but miraculously she survived. It was a bonus and I feel that during this 8 years God gave her, was so that she could see 2 more grandsons, from both her son and other daughter. So i guess it makes her complete now that they are both 5 and 6 years old and all taken care of.. i guess God wants her back. It really saddens me you know.. the circumstances surrounding the incident. She prayed for me always so much when i was having exams and even during my driving test. She called me and was so relieved that i passed. She bought 4d that day and struck consolation prize that sunday night..she was happy and wanted to surprise us the next day and buy us lunch..but Tragedy struck in the morning...Such irony in the word LUCK ... and that morning she already ordered an Incredibles costume for my young cousin and was supposed to pick it up..but it too remained an unfinished business...i mean seriously WTF ..thinking of it makes me feel so damn terrible..its like she really was someone who wanted to make others happy. Even guests n all are always welcomed by her. She always cooked great food that many have come to remember her by..Home wouldnt be the same anymore..neither will parties...We will all really miss her..I really dont know what else to say...We are all still having a hard time adjusting to the emptyness in the home, and our hearts..i Guess time will tell all......
Popo,
I Love You
-----------
Dedicated to Daisy Chin, Loving Grandma and caretaker of us all..
Anyways, My granny passed away on the morning of 6th December, at around 9:30 am. It still hasnt sunk in yet that shes really gone. It was hardly a week ago, and now as im typing this i can recall how it felt 1 week ago, how ignorant i was, how oblivious that everything around me could be gone in just a moment, What a fool i was. Little did I know that the next Sunrise would take away a part of me. Doctors said she died of heart failure. Apparantly the last thing she was doing was saying her morning prayers. Well, many ppl said its the best way to go...peacefully and prepared. But im not satisfied, Im really not. Why? Because partly, theres so many things i wanna say and do but it happened so quickly that there wasnt even a chance to do it...i honestly regret. Its like all those chain emails abt treasuring each moment and letting loved ones know how u feel all coming back to me!!! And it felt like a bitch slap on my face back to reality. Its true..im a victim of such an email...and i tell u, its not a nice feeling. And the worst feeling is that I wasnt even around when it happened...and by the time i got back, the body was gone....I never could touch her again. U know, it all flashes back to that day a month ago when she asked me to massage her coz she was feeling giddy n weak. I remember so clearly how her limbs felt- So fragile and thin, yet these were the limbs which had weathered through many hardships all through her life, and my life.
You know, many people tell me that Im born with a silver spoon in my mouth. But no! Im born with a wooden spoon, with sturdy caring hands. And my grandma did play a major role in bringing me up. All her life she strove to make others happy, without thinking of herself. She suffered so much for so many years, even in her old age she did not rest. Maybe im her first grandson but still, for the past 19 years she has been looking after me, thru kindergarten, thru pri and sec sch and even poly. I am forever indebted to her. Outsiders n some people may find her not so perfect, I must admit sometimes her methods of doing things may seem a little unorthodoxed or wrong, but the intention was to do good. And of course, her ideals tend to clash alot with the "new generation's" thinking.
I remember her last wishes for me, it seemed that she knew she was going soon. Even then, she still cared abt us so much. She was clinically dead 8 1/2 years ago, but miraculously she survived. It was a bonus and I feel that during this 8 years God gave her, was so that she could see 2 more grandsons, from both her son and other daughter. So i guess it makes her complete now that they are both 5 and 6 years old and all taken care of.. i guess God wants her back. It really saddens me you know.. the circumstances surrounding the incident. She prayed for me always so much when i was having exams and even during my driving test. She called me and was so relieved that i passed. She bought 4d that day and struck consolation prize that sunday night..she was happy and wanted to surprise us the next day and buy us lunch..but Tragedy struck in the morning...Such irony in the word LUCK ... and that morning she already ordered an Incredibles costume for my young cousin and was supposed to pick it up..but it too remained an unfinished business...i mean seriously WTF ..thinking of it makes me feel so damn terrible..its like she really was someone who wanted to make others happy. Even guests n all are always welcomed by her. She always cooked great food that many have come to remember her by..Home wouldnt be the same anymore..neither will parties...We will all really miss her..I really dont know what else to say...We are all still having a hard time adjusting to the emptyness in the home, and our hearts..i Guess time will tell all......
Popo,
I Love You
-----------
Dedicated to Daisy Chin, Loving Grandma and caretaker of us all..
Marcus "Marzipan" Tan last came on 12/12/2004 11:10:00 PM.