Friday, February 24, 2006
I lost it...
The eerie calmness of it all scared me most. I could still think, i could still feel normal. But there was this overpowering grasp choking me, ripping my spine, refusing to let go, just channeling all my angst.
So i rammed my fist against the wall. Well, more like smashed it. And It felt just so calm in between the shoutings. I said i was ok, but as i went to the mess and back, it felt worse for another second and that overpowering feeling took over me again. I screamed and sent a chair flying, returning to my room to unleash even more fury on my hapless cupboard. It felt so wrong. it felt so crazy. It feels like fuck
I was fucking losing it between seconds of madness. and yet i remained sane, between seconds of calmness.
my hand still hurts..
But It scares me...These are thoughts that kill people..These are thoughts that will kill me
The eerie calmness of it all scared me most. I could still think, i could still feel normal. But there was this overpowering grasp choking me, ripping my spine, refusing to let go, just channeling all my angst.
So i rammed my fist against the wall. Well, more like smashed it. And It felt just so calm in between the shoutings. I said i was ok, but as i went to the mess and back, it felt worse for another second and that overpowering feeling took over me again. I screamed and sent a chair flying, returning to my room to unleash even more fury on my hapless cupboard. It felt so wrong. it felt so crazy. It feels like fuck
I was fucking losing it between seconds of madness. and yet i remained sane, between seconds of calmness.
my hand still hurts..
But It scares me...These are thoughts that kill people..These are thoughts that will kill me
Marcus "Marzipan" Tan last came on 2/24/2006 10:25:00 PM.
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Pluck From Memory A Rooted Sorrow
Wish Id Die, before tomorrow
To wake and find, still flesh and bones
To realize Im still lost and alone
What the fuck am I thinking
Ive let this chaos inside leak out...
HAHAHAHAH
I was living ok for the past 2 years
WTF
WHY NOWW
woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
hahahahahahahahahahhahh shit im going crazy rediting my post a thousand timess
yay im going to book in
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH your stucckkk in myyy headdddd
cant get u outta my head cuz boy your love is all i think about i just cant get you outta my headddd
ahahahahahaha but not boy la...hahahah ghey
Now everyday is just a confusion of colors <----hahaha need new glasses i bet
Wish Id Die, before tomorrow
To wake and find, still flesh and bones
To realize Im still lost and alone
What the fuck am I thinking
Ive let this chaos inside leak out...
HAHAHAHAH
I was living ok for the past 2 years
WTF
WHY NOWW
woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
hahahahahahahahahahhahh shit im going crazy rediting my post a thousand timess
yay im going to book in
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH your stucckkk in myyy headdddd
cant get u outta my head cuz boy your love is all i think about i just cant get you outta my headddd
ahahahahahaha but not boy la...hahahah ghey
Now everyday is just a confusion of colors <----hahaha need new glasses i bet
Marcus "Marzipan" Tan last came on 2/19/2006 04:34:00 PM.
They say love is setting the other free
But how do you let go of memories
When your soul it attatches
You cant lose what you never had
But why do I feel like a loser?
I realise that I can relate better to girls than guys in matters of the heart
Not that I am gay, just not ruthless
Why do the bad guys always win? There is no place left in this world
But why should I change.
Time and time again fate plays his cruel hand, mocking me.
It taunts me with such sting that it awakens me
And makes realization of a fool
At the brunt of every joke's end
This void that is growing, like a disease
Equally in my head, torments me daily
When I think of how things were
And how it is so different
Perhaps perhaps perhaps,
Change is my foe, change is my woe
What I only desire, in this world of man
A simple love, which eternally eludes my hand
The greatest thing in this world is to love and be loved in return
And as fate has it, I shall always be the one waiting
For this greatest thing.
But I still will,
Even if a fool Im called
Because there is no greater loss , than living without a Soul
Welcome to my world beneath the joyful calm of the horizon
The eternal world of chaos which is me ...
But how do you let go of memories
When your soul it attatches
You cant lose what you never had
But why do I feel like a loser?
I realise that I can relate better to girls than guys in matters of the heart
Not that I am gay, just not ruthless
Why do the bad guys always win? There is no place left in this world
But why should I change.
Time and time again fate plays his cruel hand, mocking me.
It taunts me with such sting that it awakens me
And makes realization of a fool
At the brunt of every joke's end
This void that is growing, like a disease
Equally in my head, torments me daily
When I think of how things were
And how it is so different
Perhaps perhaps perhaps,
Change is my foe, change is my woe
What I only desire, in this world of man
A simple love, which eternally eludes my hand
The greatest thing in this world is to love and be loved in return
And as fate has it, I shall always be the one waiting
For this greatest thing.
But I still will,
Even if a fool Im called
Because there is no greater loss , than living without a Soul
Welcome to my world beneath the joyful calm of the horizon
The eternal world of chaos which is me ...
Marcus "Marzipan" Tan last came on 2/19/2006 04:27:00 PM.